A Space Traveler’s Quandry


Alien Spaceship by Cliparts.co

“That planet,” Earth, says the Traveler’s computer to its ship’s Captain,

“Appears to be composed of :

157 Christian-majority countries

49 Muslim

7 Buddhist

3 Hindu

“And 1 Jewish nation;

“It appears that the Planet’s oversight committee known as the Body of the United Nations finds the planet’s problems to be centralized to a tiny nation known as Israel.”

“Analyze,” responds the Space Traveling Captain

“The nation, Israel, is composed of 8.4 million inhabitants

“6.3 million are Jews

“1.7 million are Muslims

“366,000 follow other faiths.

“This nation is an infinitesimal  percentage  of Planet Earth’s 7,3 billion inhabitants.

“That same oversight body, the United Nations, appears to condemn the nation of Israel for defending itself against the attacks of its neighbors in Gaza, the West Bank and the Temple Mount, and ignores the crimes of its attackers Earth’s remaining hostile nations.”

“Evaluate incongruence.”

“Analysis does not compute.”


“The people of the nation Israel, and the planet’s Jews seems to have been utilized as humanity’s scapegoat for more than two millenia, Captain.”


Analysis does not compute.”


“This Jewish people, while merely .2 percent of this Planet’s population, have contributed to the enlightenment of this World in disproportionately high numbers compared to its other inhabitants, and yet have been slaughtered and persecuted by those to whom they have contributed.”


“The Jews have given humanity:

 “its atomic structure and quantum mechanics

phenomenal musical compositions

“much of its philosophy and psychology

its theory of relativity

its lasers

much of its genetic engineering and stainless steel

its cholera and bubonic plague vaccine

its polio vaccine

its pacemaker and defibrillator

its remote control

its multiple sclerosis drug

its carburetor

its LASIK eye surgery

its video games

its applied cryptography and computer security

its computer virus technology

its birth control Pill

its leukemia, gout, meningitis and herpes drugs

its water drip system

its syphilis cure

its printed circuit board, and

its anti-gonorrhea drug and aspirin.

“Captain, the list of contributions to humanity’s progress by this ‘Jewish people’ goes on and on.”

“Scapegoating this people is illogical.”

“Captain, this Jewish .2 percent earned:

41% of the planet’s Nobel Prizes in economics,

28% of the planet’s Nobel Prizes in medicine,

26% of all the Nobel Prizes in Physics,

19% of the planet’s Nobel Prizes in Chemistry,

13% of the planet’s Nobel Prizes in Literature

and 9% of the planet’s Nobel peace prizes,”

“Computer, current analysis does not compute. Reboot, re-examine and report,” communicated the ship’s Captain.

“Captain, re-analysis reveals the same findings,” acknowledged the ship’s computer.

“Based upon these findings,” answered the Captain, “we must not land on this planet. If its inhabitants cannot accept the contributions of its own with grace, appreciation and thanks, it is an illogical species that would, in all likelihood, react with the same hostility towards us and our contributions that they have exhibited towards their own Jewish people. Farewell, Planet Earth.”

Chaplain Tamar



About Gelbart-Jaffe Coaching

Hospice Chaplain and Life Coach Associate Clinical Chaplaincy Certification February 2015. Proficient Life Coach Certification December 2010.
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