In order to keep on living
I had to let go.
It was, and continues to be
The single most painful decision of my life.
I knew 9 and-a-half years ago
That one day it would have to come,
Because that is when I discovered the truth:
That my spouse did not love me.
I knew it would hurt;
So I hung on as long as I could.
But now my children are hurting
They don’t understand why I had to leave
And they are having difficulty forgiving me
For trying to save my soul
From the pain of trying to keep
Loving someone
Who was pretending to love me.
I will forever love them.
I will forever miss them.
I pray that one day
They will forgive me
For wanting to live
In a non-painful state of being,
And let me back into their lives,
For they are my only diamonds,
My only jewels,
The single-most important thing in my life
Other than life itself.
This I pray
Every day.
May God hear my prayer.
Chaplain Tamar
6.6.16