The hole in our soul when we lose a child
Is indescribable in words . . . it’s just feelings stockpiled.
All we know is there’s a cavern there
Where once was joy and gladness — so we blankly stare
Wondering if that cavern will ever be filled
With anything but sadness so heavily distilled.
So we walk through our days trying to eat,
Trying to breathe, trying to complete
One little task after the other
Trying to not feel so lost and alone — so grief-smothered.
So we walk and we breathe through our daily haze
Until one day we wake up and somehow walk through our self-pity maze
And when that day comes, we don’t know how or why it happened
We just recognize we can’t keep living life so terribly saddened.
Why they left us, we may one day comprehend
Till then, we just work on healing and try not to understand
Because now we need to focus not on the loss, but the gain
For their time with us was the blessing, and that becomes our focus, our aim
Not the darkness, the loss, the sadness or tears
Not the things that will never happen in the coming years
But rather the things we did get to share
For if when loving memories becomes our focus, we need never compare
What others have in their children still living, thus we need never let jealousy flare
For what our lost children gave us will live forever in our memory’s home
And that is their eternal gift to us as through this earthly journey we roam
For those blessings live on and fill our soul up each day
When that time comes our gratitude for their blessing helps us exclaim:
We’re grateful for having had them for as long as we did,
So we’ll take what we got and keep it living in our heart as long as we live.
We recognize that not having had them would have been more horrible than losing them
So we focus the gratitude on what we got, and then
That helps us push the gray clouds away,
And ultimately we remember how they loved us in their very own special way
When they were babies, teens and adults,
They loved us and we loved them back, that love is ours forever heart-felt.
And there we discover where our blessed healing lies
We just need to hold onto it and focus our tear-stained, pinkened eyes
On the gifts that their love gave us when they were with us here
So that deep, dark cavern will fill up with blessed love — and the clouds somehow clear.
But till that day comes, my prayers are walking with you
Praying your memories of blessedness will help you muddle through.
Chaplain Tamar/Coach Tammy